“Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease or women”
I read this book apprehensively after reading reviews saying it encouraged men to be possessive and suppressive towards women. In fact, this could not be further from the truth.
The Way of the Superior Man provides an invaluable guide to men and women in understanding the dynamics of a relationship. As well as this, it teaches presence and the importance of having a purpose in life. Although the book is studded with golden bits of advice and perspectives, here’s the main lessons that I learnt from the book.
1. Know Your Life Purpose
David Deida stresses the importance of knowing your purpose in life and making it your first priority, above all else.
And if I don’t know my purpose in life? I hear you ask. In that case the two most important things you can do is go out and discover new things. Take part in new activities, read new books, meet new people and expose yourself to as many things as you can. The second piece of advice would be to meditate. Be fully present and fully come to terms with what is really important to you.
Although making your purpose in life may seem counter-productive to improving your relationships, Deida argues the opposite. A woman wants to know that she is not a man’s first and only priority. A man with ambition and drive who is focused on his purpose in life is far more attractive than someone floating through life with no fire in his belly.
“Women only test what they love”. A man who can handle the drama and the tests of a relationship is one that she will trust to be just as strong through seriously tough situations.
If you begin to redirect your purpose depending on what your partner says or wants, you are weakening yourself. This does not mean that you should dismiss any advice or the opinion of your partner, but be sure that it is entirely your own decision in the end.
2. Importance of Polarity
David Deida’s book emphasises the importance of there being a balance between masculine and feminine energies in a relationship. Everyone has both masculine and feminine energies, independent of gender.
When there is a lack of balance, it causes problems. For example, in a relationship where both partners are very neutral in the energies they portray, it tends to lack passion and fire.
However, one of the increasingly prevalent problems described by David is instances where the man is lacking in masculine energy and the woman is compelled to be the counterbalance.
When the man is strong and comfortable with his masculine energy, it allows the woman to relax and fully allow her feminine side to flourish and be expressed. As she no longer has to worry about making up for your own lack of masculinity, she can begin to celebrate her own femininity.
Masculine traits are subjective of course and depend on the individual. Taking this into account, David’s points about conveying leadership, facing your fears, being focused on your purpose in life and sticking to your integral values give a useful guideline.
3. Learn to Handle the Drama
Anyone who has been in a relationship before knows that there will undoubtedly be drama and arguments over seemingly small things.
One of the most important perspectives that I gained from this book was the reason behind these kinds of conflicts. For example, your partner complaining that you did not take the bins out when you said you would is not actually a complaint about the bins, it’s a complaint about your values and how it portrays a lack of trust.
David’s advice on dealing with this kind of drama and conflict in your relationship involves an approach of love and humour. David predicts that 90% of the emotional problems of a woman are caused by a need to be loved and made to feel loved.
Handling these problems are not supposed to be a case of logically solving the problem but instead allowing her to vent and realising the root cause of the issue, all the while remaining emotionally strong.
This may seem patronising and stereotypical at first but when put into practise, you will find it benefits both partners in the relationship and allows a much happier relationship to flourish.
4. Being Fully Present
Living fully in the present moment is emphasised in this book. In moments of conflict, fully be at ease with the emotions and feelings running through your body and realise that it will pass, as all emotions do.
Don’t run away from the negative aspects of relationships, fully embrace them and allow your masculinity to grow stronger each time you do.
In essence, The Way of the Superior Man gives men who are struggling to develop their masculinity and improve their relationships an invaluable guide, in a very blunt fashion at times. Although clearly aimed at men, I’ve read plenty of reviews from women who said that this book helped them to identify the dynamics and energies of a relationship so they could work to improve it.
As we become more in tune with our masculinity, it helps women to relax and express their feminine side fully, leading to benefit all around.
If you’ve read the books or have any thoughts about it, feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to discuss it with you.