As all of us know and have experienced before, arguments and conflicts are inevitable in the relationships we have with other people. Not just our partners but also amongst family or friends.
The way in which we handle these problems can often determine how long they last and how healthy they are. Often the arguments within relationships arise from the need to protect your ego and change the other person.
“Your relationship will be changed profoundly by surrender” – Eckhart Tolle
Surrender in this context does not mean that you become a push over or allow yourself to be used by the other person. It means that instead of allowing negative emotions to control you and being in a state of reaction to whatever is going on, you act based on insight from a clear understanding of what is right for you at the current time.
Although just a small change in the way you approach relationship issues, surrender can be one of the most important mindsets to minimising conflict. If you can’t accept the current moment and the other person the way they are right now, problems will be far more likely to arise through judgements, labelling and criticism.
Practically Applying Surrender During Arguments
Like I mentioned before, surrender does not mean that you give in and lose credibility. The first step towards practically applying surrender is to identify and observe what you feel during conflicts with the other person. Notice how defensive you become or the way in which you attempt to preserve your ego through aggression towards the other person. This may even be a physical feeling like tightness in your stomach or chest.
By fully recognising and becoming aware of the negative energy inside you, you can begin to suddenly realise that you have a choice. You can choose to react the way you do, or you can choose to accept the situation and act from a place of insight. Stop allowing your reaction to the other person control the way you act as this only accentuates the problem.
This requires a certain level of consciousness. Dropping your reaction and thinking that “I’m above this argument, it is childish” simply replaces the initial problem with another, claims of superiority. When you begin to put surrender into practise, you’ll notice that the other person also becomes less aggressive. Their aggression is not being fuelled by your resistance anymore.
From a place of acceptance, you can the begin to take the appropriate action from a much healthier and conscious state. You can take the action necessary in the moment rather than acting according to your ego or the need to prove that you’re right.
This small change in your mindset can prove invaluable towards improving or maintaining your relationships with other people. It not just applies to close friends or family but everyone. Surrender is a powerful tool which can help you to avoid small disagreements and the more you practise it, the more useful it becomes.
If this article has helped you see things in a different light, leave a comment down below with your thoughts!