The pain associated with breaking up can be a maddening and seemingly inescapable experience for people. The visceral and very much physical pain is often just as bad as the mental scars left behind after splitting up with someone you were close to.
This feeling can often defy logic as you think the only cure is to get back with your ex even though you consciously know it’s not a good decision. Instead of resorting desperately to this temporary relief, here are a few ways to help yourself get over a breakup:
1. Cut off any connections
Moving on from someone is made infinitely harder if you’re constantly checking their social media, talking to them or meeting in a common place. Like an addict suffering from withdrawal, it may seem impossible to you that you will rise out of the thought pattern that you need your ex to be happy. But take it one day at a time and you will slowly recognise that your craving is diminishing.
Rather than thinking about never contacting or seeing the other person again, just focus on not doing that this very moment and this very day. This increased mindfulness brings you back to the present moment as well as making it easier and more likely for you to adhere to not getting in touch with your ex. As the old saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Refrain from snooping around in your ex’s life today and you will slowly but surely set yourself free from the addictive daydreaming and reminiscing.
2. Give yourself time
There is an unnecessarily cruel stigma about people who are going through a breakup that they need to get over it quickly and actively try new things or start dating again. On the contrary, you need to recognise the fact that it will take some time to recover and you will undoubtedly feel grief.
Rather than putting up an unnecessary, desperate form of mental resistance to your feelings and emotions, simply allow them to exist and acknowledge your pain and sadness. Paradoxically, the more present you are with your painful and emotional wounds, the quicker they will pass and the more effectively you will be able to properly move on.
3. Don’t be too harsh on yourself
It can be easy to reflect on a relationship and think about all the things that you did wrong and all of the things that you should have done instead. As well as this, many people feel guilty or ashamed for feeling the way they do after the breakup has happened. This goes back to the stigma that you should simply be able to get over your relationship in the blink of an eye and move on without a lot of suffering.
Hiding or suppressing the pain so you don’t seem weak does you no favours when it comes to truly moving on from a relationship. In no way should you be ashamed of what you feel and in no way are you the only one to go through this. Go easy on yourself. Realise you are only human like everyone else, mistakes happen and sometimes things do not workout. The only thing you can do is embrace the present moment and keep on living.